Heaven for the Climate, Hell for the Company
by xxwanderlustdreamingxx
Summary: "Because if anyone was the devil reincarnated, it was Kol Mikaelson"- A Damon/Kol oneshot exploring the possibility that they may have known each other in the past.


_"Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company…"- Mark Twain_

**Mystic Falls, Present Day**

To say that Damon Salvatore was wary of Kol Mikaelson would be an understatement.

He could deal with Elijah and his thinly veiled threats. In fact, he would never admit it to anyone but he was secretly in awe of the Original. Even if his odd manner of speaking made him seem pretty damn weird to anyone he came across.

He could handle Klaus and his sudden bouts of psychosis. He was predictable in his methods and boring in his threats. He'd lost count of the number of times Klaus had threatened to rip his heart out. Was it too much to ask for something different?

But there was something volatile and altogether unstable about Kol that would normally make him steer well clear of him. He didn't know if it was the fact that he had Klaus and Elijah for brothers, or if it had more to do with the fact that he'd been cooped up in a coffin for a century or so. That would probably have done some funny things to his mind.

Whatever it was, he had never hung around long enough to find out.

But as he had entered the Grill, his eyes had immediately been drawn to the hunched over figure of Kol. There was that tugging at the back of his mind again, something that he needed to remember about Kol. He could have sworn up and down that they'd seen each other before, or they'd met sometime in the past.

Looking at him now, he kind of felt sorry for the man who was so obviously out of his depth. Which was confirmed when he drew closer to the bar and saw the drink in his hands.

So he had shrugged out of his jacket, dropping it onto the stool behind him as he made eye contact with the bartender.

"A Cosmopolitan?" He snorted with obvious amusement.

Kol simply glared at him. A lesser vampire would have run screaming for the door from just the coldness in that one look. But he was Damon Salvatore. And he'd be damned if he ever ran screaming from anything. So taking a breath, he had continued.

"You know for someone who's been undead for a thousand years you really need to start branching out. The group of girls over in the opposite corner have been questioning your sexuality for the past 5 minutes."

He watched as the other vampire's eyes widened in horror, before he pushed the drink away from his body in a hurry.

"Well you seem to be such an accomplished day drinker, what would you recommend?" the Original replied with a sneer.

Right on cue, a bottle slid in front of him, accompanied by a tumbler. With a nod of thanks to the bartender, he uncorked the bottle with his teeth before pouring himself a liberal amount.

"You can never go wrong with Jimmy B. Try some, you'll like it." He nudged the glass towards Kol, who picked it up warily.

"Would you like to be forever known as the weird heterosexual male who drinks female drinks?"

"I'm not sure I understood a word of your previous sentence." Kol said delicately, before tossing back the drink. "Not bad." He added before placing his glass back on the wooden bar top.

He had reached for the bottle, taking a long swig as a way of reply.

"So tell me why exactly you came over here Damon? You and I haven't exactly been friendly with each other lately."

"I fucked your sister last night." He had said in reply before his eyes had widened in horror and realisation. Wait what? Had he actually said that?

Judging by the strange expression on Kol's face, he had.

"So you came over here to tell me you had sexual relations with my sister?" He replied nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders.

For the first time in over a century, he Damon Salvatore was completely floored.

"Wait you're not going to knock my head off for that?" he gasped out before reaching for the bottle again. Oh sweet salvation.

Kol sniffed.

"That's more Elijah's style. I prefer a cleaner way of killing personally. Nothing like the feel of plunging a stake into someone's heart, wouldn't you agree?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

He was totally being played with now. He closed his eyes, waiting for the pain…

"Why are you standing there with your eyes closed? You look like a bloody idiot. My sister can have relations with whomever she wishes. I'm not going to kill you. Although I should." Kol finished thoughtfully.

He raised an eyebrow as Kol looked at him again.

"I need another drink. Pass me that bottle would you? I'm going to pretend that you haven't had your lips wrapped around it for the past 5 minutes."

He had mutely passed the bottle over to Kol, who had glanced at in disgust before pouring some more of the amber liquid into his glass.

"Wait so remind me again why you aren't going to kill me?"

Another shrug.

"We were friends once, a very long time ago. Don't you _remember?" _he said, placing emphasis on the word remember and catching his eye.

Oh shit he was being compelled. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried in vain to resist… but then all the memories came rushing back.

* * *

"_Damon! Over here mate!"_

_The year was 1912 and New Orleans was the place to be. It wasn't the largest city in the America's at the time, but it was definitely the place where the most fun occurred. _

_Parties every night, pretty fast girls, and no short supply of blood. He was convinced that he'd died and gone to heaven. _

_He couldn't complain about the climate either. Hot and humid, with just enough of a cool breeze to make it bearable. They didn't call it the Sun Belt for nothing. _

_His train of thought was interrupted by an arm being slung around his shoulder._

"_Damon. Thought you'd never make it!" Kol Mikaelson yelled into his ear. _

_He'd met Kol Mikaelson only a month previously. He'd been walking home from a bar when he'd been attracted by the smell of blood. Following the scent keenly, he'd been led to a dark alleyway where a couple was pressed up against a wall. _

_He'd been surprised to meet another vampire in New Orleans. And Kol was unlike any other he'd ever met. He had offered the neck of the girl he was feeding on to him, and together they'd drained her dry. _

_They'd been friends ever since. New Orleans was theirs. They covered their tracks well, wreaking havoc wherever they went. _

"_Come and get a drink mate. There's a pretty brunette who's just dying to meet you." Kol finished with a chuckle. "Pun intended." He added with a roguish wink. _

_With a laugh, he had followed Kol to a table in the corner of the shady bar, pulling a stunning brunette into his arms. Kol motioned to a bartender and a bottle of New Orleans finest whiskey seemed to materialise in front of them. _

_Pouring them both a glass, Kol raised his. _

"_A toast! Although we may be already going straight to hell, at least the company will be good."_

_He had grinned. _

"_You know what Mark Twain used to say? Heaven for the climate…"_

"_Hell for the company!" Kol crowed, tapping their glasses together. _

* * *

With a groan, Damon Salvatore reached down and gripped the wooden leg of a bar stool that was now protruding from his stomach. He looked up at Kol, who was slipping on his jacket.

"What the hell was that for?" he wheezed, dropping to his knees before yanking the piece of wood out. Son of a bitch.

Kol simply glared at him in disdain.

"You and I might be friends Salvatore, but if you defile my sister's honour again, I will kill you."

He had no trouble believing him. Because if anyone was the devil reincarnated, it was Kol Mikaelson.

* * *

**A/N: Written because the vampire diaries would be much cooler if they'd explored the possibility of a Damon/Kol bromance that was alluded to in 3x14. To those reading Darkest Before the Dawn, my apologies it will be updated soon! I always find one shots easier to write. And this was my reward for making it through my Politics final in one piece. Review!  
**


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